The Dukie News
28 August 1995

Fast-breaking News Items:
-Alex now holds the high score in Macigame, thrashing the opposition 
 with a whopping 4,120 points.
-Lecture Schedule: 1900 28 Aug - Art DeVries talk on (surprise, 
                                 surprise) fish, TV Lounge
                   1300 29 Aug - Commander's knot class, dayroom
                   1830 29 Aug - Marian's photos of Palmer Station, TV 
                                 Lounge


Not-so-fast ice breaking news From the Captain:
-A total of 3 nautical miles northwest was made today - that's four 
 miles forward, and one mile back!
-A balmy 0 C on deck, Carol managed to get out and sunbathe!
-"I am very satisfied with the way everyone is saving water.  We 
 reduced the comsumption from six to three cubic metres per day."
-"I am also very satisfied with the way you are behaving yourselves.  
 You have all been very patient."
-The Captain has also agreed to claim responsibility for Larry's baby 
 since the father has yet to be determined.

Words of the Day
Norwegian:  Evig - Forever - as in "Vi er fast i isen evig" - We are 
                   stuck in the ice forever.
Kiwi:       Spunky - Goodlooking - as in "He is such a spunk!"  or 
                   "She is incredibly spunky!" Generally used to imply 
                   sexual attraction.
American:   Bar-hopping - a night spent going from bar to bar in 
                   search of a good time.
Chilean:    Cabezon - a variety of fish found around Punta Arenas, 
                   which can also refer to a person who has a big head.

Weather Forecast:       Chile today, hot tamale.
Current Position:       63 28' S, 62 24 W
Projected Position:     63 28' S, 62 24 W

Personal Ads
-Seeking geneticist with experience to sequence my baby's genome.  
 Replies treated in confidence.
-Limbo dancer seeks skilled masseuse for fun times and flexibility.  
 Meet on lido deck.
-Meeting of Computer Addicts Anonymous.  12 steps to beating your 
 macigame habit.  Meet in computer lab tomorrow.  All day course.



Advice Column
Dear Auntie Dukie: The brochure said it would be just like the Love 
Boat, and I only packed Hawaiian shirts.  But instead of bleeding 
hearts, we're bleeding fish.  They said it would be the banana belt, 
but the only bananas I've seen are the other passengers.  I gotta get 
out of here.  If it's the last thing I ever do.  Please help me.
    Yours, Polar Duped.

Dear PD:  Tough dukie.  We're stuck forever.  Na na ne na na.
    Love and big sloppy kisses, Auntie Dukie.

Dear Auntie Dukie:  I've written two hundred emails every day, but I 
haven't gotten a single one back.  Except for the one that got 
bounced back.  Why?
    Yours, lonely@sea

Dear lonely:  Nobody loves you, everybody hates you, you might as 
well go eat worms.  Ask the fish people, they might have brought some 
in on a trawl.
    Sincerely, Auntie Dukie.